Bad things happen to all of us. No one in this world is exempt from setbacks.

At work, a setback could be the loss of a key employee or executive or valuable client, a partner dispute or even being forced to sell off the family business. The list, unfortunately, is long. Out of the office, where it’s all more personal, setbacks can become real tragedies.  Divorce; failed investments; the death of a spouse, a parent or a child often have life-changing implications.

If I asked you to name the challenging things that have happened in your life, I bet you’d be able to answer immediately—even if you didn’t want to.

I think the secret to a happy and successful life is managing the bad things that happen to us. One of my favorite quotes goes like this:  “You can’t keep trouble from knocking at your door, but you do not have to give it a chair to sit in.”

Managing unfortunate events means taking control of their effect on you. This might involve counseling, or it might be that you are able to acknowledge the problem, carefully consider its impact on you and then let it go.

The key, I think, is letting go.

I remember listening to someone talk about when a group of employees left the company and took a lot of clients with them. This person went into great detail about how this happened and how devastating it was for the company. Really, he went on and on about it. I asked when this happened, and he replied “over five years ago.”

The company has since rebounded from that loss. Maybe it’s time he let that go.

Recently, I heard about a funeral where a woman was talking with her siblings about all the negative experiences they had had with their deceased father. These weren’t abusive events, but they still caused real pain. They also had happened 40 years ago.

Maybe it was time not only to bury dad but also to bury all of those negative feelings.

Don’t let the unfortunate events in your life define you or continue to direct your thoughts and actions. Yes, we all have to process our anger or hurt or grief when bad things happen, but we don’t have to hang onto those negative feelings forever. You can choose to not relive a hurtful past again and again in your own mind. You can decide to learn from the negative event, recognize how it impacted you and then let it go.

I’m not saying this is easy, but it is most definitely a positive course of action when dealing with a negative event.

I used to think about bad events in my life and want to wave a magic wand and just make them disappear—like they never even happed at all. Now I know that it’s those lows in my personal history that allow me to fully appreciate the high points. Setbacks and negative events ultimately have made me a better consultant, father, son, friend, vendor and church member.

I’m a better person because I’ve faced adversity and taken control of how it affects my life. This approach is healthy, and it works.

Are you shackled by troublesome circumstances? Are bad events in your past obstructing your future? Maybe it’s time to let all that go and really move forward.