At a recent Vistage Chair meeting in Huntsville, each chair presented an overview of their practice. There was a lot of great information, but one statement really resonated with me.
Scott Morrow, a fellow chair from Nashville, shared a powerful insight: “One great member/client is going to break your heart at least once per year.”
This single, succinct sentence encapsulated a sentiment I’ve felt but never articulated. In my more than 30 years as a coach and now as a chair, I’ve experienced this phenomenon consistently—annually actually. A valued member or client exits, and it stirs a mix of emotions in me.
Morrow’s words reminded me that the people we collaborate with genuinely matter. The relationships are personal. The attachments are real. The concern we have for these people is authentic. So, when these individuals eventually move on, for any number of reasons, it leaves an emotional impact. It reminds us that these connections, forged in business, aren’t just business transactions; they hold profound significance.
We grieve the loss. (Know that grief happens any time there is a break in attachment; it’s about much more than death.) And this kind of loss often involves not only a lost connection but also a loss in income. It hurts.
So, what can you do to make this easier on you?
- Sit down and really think about the client. What did you enjoy and appreciate about them? What did you perhaps not like so much?
- Write out the story of what happened (or at least bullet point the main parts). Include the good times when the relationship was on solid ground and try to pinpoint when things began to sour. Look at the relationship from start to finish—from onboarding to when you got that call.
- Read this to yourself several times and acknowledge your feelings. Does any of it make you smile? Or does it make you angry? Consider writing a letter to the client (one you will never send) expressing your feelings.
- Then read the story again with the goal of realizing where you made mistakes or missed cues or fell short. These things are never one-sided. Did you contribute to the problem—even unintentionally?
- Learn from the experience. Grow from any mistakes and come out a better person and a better professional.
- Finally, send a brief (handwritten) note to the former client thanking them for the relationship and sincerely wishing them the best. I’ve advocated doing this for as long as I’ve been coaching. Sometimes this leads to doing business together again in the future. It always provides you with a sense of closure.
I’m grateful to Scott Morrow for putting this shared feeling into words so eloquently. I’m thankful he got me thinking about this in a way that might help me help you the next time you experience this kind of loss.
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